Saturday, December 4, 2010

Close call

There has a been a monumental shift in man law as I currently know them. 

There are more ladies where I work than men.  The building we now work in strategically located both the ladies and gentlemen restrooms on the same hallway.  Fairly standard for most everywhere in the USA.  The women's room is on the right side of the hallway and a few more steps to the left is the men's restroom.

On most every occasion I make my way to the men's room, there is always two or more ladies going to, coming from, or in the doorway of the restroom.  More times that not there is conversation of some sort between the ladies.  Even as I pass by the door to the ladies room, although not audible enough to understand, I can hear conversations coming from the ladies room.  

The men's room is and has always been just the opposite.  Rarely will you see men going to in pairs or groups to the restroom.  A rarer event is conversation coming from the men's restroom.  Normally entering the men's room is like entering a vault.  The noise of the air moving around is deafening.  Seriously the only sounds made are when the urinals and toilets are flushed, the water is run, and the hand towels removed.  Until...

This day things changed  The first view walking in the room is the three sinks, counter top, and long mirror.  Rounding the corner to the left the stalls come into view.   There are four stalls; two of them have doors closed.  Stall 1 and 3 are occupied.  Man Bathroom Law Number 1 is to always leave an empty stall or urinal open between you and anybody else or anybody that may enter.  Man Bathroom Law 2 is if you are going to fill a gap you either wait outside the urinal/stall zone or you leave and come back later.  As I turn again to the left to get my destination, there is a man leaving the urinal bank.  Suddenly I realize several things at once.  

First there are voices coming from stall 1 and 3.  Conversation about football.  I am being greeted by the dude leaving the urinal bank.  "What's up Kipp." Then as I get to my destination I hear from stall 3.  "Kipp? What do you think they are going to do about Auburn's Cam Newton?"  

I seriously thought, even though I am standing at a urinal, I had entered the ladies room.  Never in my years have I ever heard conversation much less been asked my opinion on any subject while another person was sitting on the pot.  This is an image I do not want in my brain....ever.  Because of Man Bathroom Law 3, no eye contact in the urinal/stall zone; I did not recognize who had called out my name.  "Kipp that is you, I can see you through the crack in the door.  What is your take on the Auburn investigation?"  I froze...(refer back to man law 3 again).

I felt a shift in man bathroom law taking place.  Almost as much as the NCAA has brought to college football.  Allowing parents to shop their children to the highest bidder.  Rules are changing.  Porcelain talk has made it to the men's room.  Really?  Is this happening?  When did it become suddenly acceptable to have conversation while sitting on the porcelain pot?  Then before I could stop it ... "I must be in mamby-pamby land, you jackwagons!" 

(if unfamiliar with this quote, go see the latest Gieco commercial with the psychologist used to be drill sargent.  All rights belong to Gieco ---

Silence returned to the men's room.  

I am typically open to change.  But much like the Drill Sargent psychologist, I ain't ready for no mamby pamby land especially in the men's bathroom.   


Buckskins Rule said...

I'm with you. There is something fundamentally wrong with talking to a man while he is holding his crank or taking a growler.

SherilinR said...

lmao! this is hilarious for real because potty talk in the ladies room is precisely what the doctor ordered for us women folk. we chat w/ friends or strangers, giggle, compliment, trade phones numbers, ask questions. and if we don't find someone to chat with, we make a call & talk with them while hovering in the squat position. maybe it takes us back to the friendlier times of communal bathing or maybe we're just trying to cover the sound of our tooting.

Kipp said...

BR - I am certain those two will not speak to me again. :)

Sherilin - You crack me up...tooting... :)
The term "hovering" was something I knew nothing until I had girls.

Westsox said...

Friday night at dinner with CB and GS we had this same conversation and even extended it to its application in public areas such as the empty seat between guys at the movie theater.

Kipp said...

Westsox: thanks for the dinner invite...
That is great point. The only time a seat should be occupied by your buddy at the movies is if it is a sold out show.
Or you are with your father. Otherwise you are having to shout across a seat to explain the movie to him.