Saturday, February 23, 2013

Secret to marriage found?

One of those ah-ha moments when you find out you are not the only one.

At a recent family gathering my cousin Dane-O, my brother Lord Knobhead and I were standing around visiting.  Suddenly Dane-O is digging in his wallet for a business card to give his email to a friend of the family.  I stick my hand out toward him.  "Hey give me some money while you got that out."  

He tells me, since I have been married this wallet only holds credit cards, business cards, licenses, and receipts.  It does NOT know what cash is.
I was like "seriously".  Not in the you are such a sissy way of 'seriously', but a 'seriously' I thought I was the only married man that did not ever see cash in my wallet 'seriously'.

Then Lord Knobhead pipes up, I freaked out one time when I opened my wallet and saw two twenties in my wallet.  I called my wife to find out why I had cash.   She told me she thought I might need some because I was taking the kids to a church youth function.  He got off the phone and thought "Well Sha-zam! I ain't spending this on the kids, I am saving this cash for me!" He then pulled out his wallet and opened it; there was no cash in it.  Yeah that was about 5 years ago.  Hasn't been any cash in there since.

I puffed up my chest and pulled out my wallet real slow like so they would be watching.  Guys prepared to be impressed.  I opened my wallet and showed them $11.  Wow when did your wife give you that, asked Dane-O.  Boys I got this from my daughter.  I bought her something the other day with a credit card and she paid me back in cash.  My kids have more money than I do.  I told her to keep her money, but she apparently put it in my wallet one night.  Although this looks like its my cash, I am really just holding it until she needs it back.  I appreciate your temporary respect for me when ya'll saw that cash, but I have to come clean and let you know even though it is in my wallet it is still isn't my cash.

Dane-O started laughing, not the laughing at me laugh but the hey its my turn to tell a story laugh.  He told us about the time he opened his wallet and spotted two twenties.  I did the same thing you did Lord Knobhead, I called my wife when I spotted the cash.  I was freaked out I had cash.  I knew I had not put it there.  Honey why do I have cash in my wallet?  Well...what...wait, the last time I put cash in your wallet was for the boy scout trip you took about six months ago.  You still have that?!  I had $40 in my wallet for over six months before I knew it was in there.  I was so excited about having cash, I ended up spending it all that day. :-)  

I have told this story at least a half a dozen times recently.  I have been astonished to find out how many a married man pulls out his wallet with a frown on his face to show me an empty wallet.  One even told of having to secretly roll change to have some fun money for coffee or a chicken finger lunch.  Even heard a comedian this week talking about this subject.  He had a friend that his wife gave him $60 weekly allowance, the ultimate punchline to his weekly fortune was - she was cheating on him.  The allowance was a distraction.

Surely there is a lesson here to be told or understood; maybe we have uncovered the secret to a successful marriage...nah, that would be just ridiculous.   


Stephen Hayes said...

I've been married for 38 years and now because of you I'm checking my wallet. I'm currently sitting on twelve dollars, more than I thought.

Clipped Wings said...

I haven't visited you for a while, and this post was a pleasure to read. Very funny. My husband keeps a twenty tucked in his wallet for emergencies. He also usually has regular cash in his wallet, although he mostly ends up spending it on my needs instead of his. Because of his previous experiences before he met me, we had an agreement when we got married that he would never have to beg for cash if we had it. I try to keep that promise unless we are poor.

Empty Nester said...

In our house, he gets some cash. I keep the cards. Debit included. I can't imagine what would happen if I let him out with plastic. EGADS!

Kipp said...

CC - I am back down to $0. :)

Clipped - thanks for checking in on me. Even my emergency cash is gone. Keep your promise.

Nester - 'some cash', if your man doesn't know this already, he is a lucky man. :)

Donna Perugini said...

Truth be told, my husband always has $100 bill on him. He won't have it in two $50's because it makes his wallet too thick and heavy. I kid you not! I'm sure any amount that added up to $100 would be welcomed by husbands everywhere.

Anne said...

Laughed at this one, the title of your post really had me curious. But my husband gets to keep some money in his wallet and maybe that has kept our marriage going :)