Saturday, May 12, 2012

love you too

As I reflected on Mother's Day, I remembered some of my mother's statements:

If you do not get in the car right now, I am going to leave you here.

If you touch that again, you are going to loose a finger.

For the last time, pick it up.

If your room is not clean you are not leaving this house for rest of your life.

Eat your vegetables or you will not grow. 

Don't eat the watermelon seeds or else you have vines growing out of your ears.

If you do not get in this house right now, you are not going to get any supper.

That's it, that is the last time.

If I have to pick up this toy one more time I am giving it to goodwill.

Just wait until your father gets home.

I am going to call Santa and have him put you on the naughty list.

I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.

Answer me when I ask you question.


Stop crying right now or else I will really give you something to cry about.

I ought to skin you.

Pick that up before somebody trips over it and breaks their neck.

Don't cross your eyes like that or they will get stuck like that.

Turn that down!

Because I said so.

Close the door!

You are going to send me to the nut house.

Lord have mercy!

Then there's the questions.

Did you grow up in a barn?

Have you lost your mind?

Have you been paying attention to anything I have said?

Did a bomb go off in your room?

Did you brush your teeth?

WHAT did you just say to me?

Do you want the boogie man to get you?

How many times have I told you?

Who was the last one to use the ____ ?

Just because they are doing it does not mean you have to do it; would you jump off a bridge if they did it?

Why are you still up?

Where do you think you are going?

Who are you talking to?

What did I JUST tell you?

Where did you leave it the last time you used it?

But as soon as her friends came around...

We are so proud of him. it looks like we all made it.
I love you mom, happy Mother's Day. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

crimson caravan

I wish I had a better picture...
I called Wonder Woman to let her know I was on my way home but I was stopping by Aunt Peg's to pick up some jalapeno corn bread.  While we were talking, Pop was trying to call, showing up on the caller ID.  I tried not to interrupt Wonder Woman as she talked.  Before she took a breath, Pop had stopped ringing in.  Then Wonder Woman told me, "Hey Dad is calling, let me let you go."

Peg was happy to see me and loaded me up with jalapeno corn bread, almonds, little debbie's, peaches, and other treats for the girls.  My phone rang again.  Wonder Woman called back.  I interrupted Peg to answer it.  If Pop was calling both of us, something must have been up.

Dad wants to know if you want to go the Crimson Caravan tonight?  
Maybe, what time does it start?
It is 10 after 5.
I know but he has two extra tickets and needs to know if you want to go.
I will let you know when I get home.  (I am about 2 minute drive from home)

I had to cut my visit short with Peg.  "Thanks for everything Peg, I just found out I need to be back downtown at 6:00.  See you soon."

My thoughts as I drove toward home were, Nick Saban is the hottest coach in football right now.  NFL or NCAA.  The chance to hear him in person is not something I wanted to miss.  I will let Wonder Woman know I am going when I get home.

As I pulled up in the driveway Wonder Woman was in the driveway talking across the yard to Captain Kirk our neighbor.  This is normal activity as our kids like to play together.  Wonder Woman and Captain Kirk are typically trying to find one of the children.  Are they are in your backyard?  Are they inside?  Are they are across the street? etc. etc. 

As I pulled to the end of the driveway and exited the truck, I heard Wonder Woman shout "You had better look out!"  As I thought about how much time I had (not much) to get back downtown, and how I probably do not have to time change from my work clothes and how I need to call Pop to let him know I would meet him there, as well as trying to remember how much it cost to park downtown, on top of trying to remember how much cash I should take with me, cause I could not remember if the parking garage took credit cards last time I was there; I was vaguely paying attention to the three children running across Captain Kirk's front yard screaming at the top of their lungs "There he is!"  

I was looking at Wonder Woman when I said, Hey do you know if your Dad has given the other extra ticket away?  But the three children's screaming was intensifying to a level of annoyance that I could no longer ignore.  As I focused on the loudest child, which happen to my oldest daughter, Kipp Jr., I look at her and said Hey what you got there? You having fun.  

Kipp Jr. is looking at me and laughing this...suffice to say Vincent Price would have been proud...laugh.  She has a her hand cocked back like Peyton Manning and said, Yes we are playing water balloons!  I looked at her and said That's great I hope you are having fun.  There was more inaudible talk in the background.  Things were just so chaotic.  I looked up at Wonder Woman to see if she was talking to me.  SPLASH!

Kipp Jr. had thrown the water balloon and hit me right between the numbers (so to speak).  Literally it was right about the third button down from the neck of my dress shirt.  Water soaked through my undershirt, rather suddenly, to my skin.  Water was also dripping from my nose.  Suddenly everything went quiet.  There was a difference in air pressure for a few seconds as Wonder Woman and Captain Kirk drew breathes.  

I looked at Kipp Jr who was also sucking in air in order to let out a belly laugh as I asked, WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

Kipp Jr could barely get out - Captain Kirk told me to do it.  

Wonder Woman has her hand on her mouth.  

I looked toward Captain Kirk standing near the street.  He had the bug eyes.  He turned, looked at the ground and began to walk up his driveway toward his garage.  Guilty as charged.

Wonder Woman then asked - are you still going to see Nick Saban?
Kipp Jr. says, You might need to change if you are going somewhere Dad you are all wet.  

Really? (She is really starting to sound just like her father)

Needless to say I was able to change clothes and still make it to the Crimson Caravan on time.  Nick Saban was a great speaker and lived up to his billing.  However, before he started and most of the drive to and from downtown, I was plotting my revenge on Captain Kirk and Kipp Jr.  I will let you guys know what happens to them.  :)