Thursday, December 30, 2010

2011 is looking up

Just a quick note....I have been invited to write a guest post on Frugal Golf Travel.  You will be the second to know when it hits their blog!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas lesson

December is full of Christmas parties, Christmas shopping, Christmas plays, Christmas musicals, Christmas wishes and Christmas cheer.  This season has always been the most exciting time of year for me.  Maybe it is the anticipation, the surprises, I cannot put my finger on it.  Which is probably why I like it.  (Come to think of it, the same can be said for my golf game)  Maybe Christmas is special to me because of its purpose and meaning.  Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus.  I now keep the date marked on all my calendars.  Might want to keep that day marked on your calendars too; just saying cause He gets a little jealous if you forget.  

My kids love Christmas for a different reason.  They start counting down from 365 as soon as Christmas day passes.  They take a slight mental studder step on their birthday of course as they get inundated with gifts that day as well.  Admittedly some of the toys they get are pretty snazzy.  Like the Casio keyboard or the remote control walking dragon or the programmable talking Elmo or the Disney movies or the Thomas the train sets.  Putting some of these things together or programming them can be quite a challenge.

One of the funniest things for me to watch Christmas morning is my dad and father-in-law help get the toys out of the boxes.  They use pocket knives, screwdrivers, box cutters, threaten a blow torch, even use their teeth.  Obviously lawyers have made it to the North Pole.  I can only image a few years ago an elf did not properly fasten a toy correctly in a box.  The toy got loose, suffered broken parts and mental anguish...o my.  You can see the North Pole Register headline now.  "Toy suffers child rejection - Elf #98934389 under investigation for improper package securage."  Now the NPPA (North Pole Packaging Authority) has strictly regulated the elves to use more rubber bands, steel ties, mystery plastic fasteners and tape than is needed to repair the international space station.  Ultimately the children still suffer, as they wait and wait for their toys to be unfastened by frustrated Pop and Papa. 

Speaking of suffering around Christmas...a few years back about a week after Christmas we had all gone to bed when I was suddenly awakened/awoke/awoken...I woke up unexpected about 1:56 AM by an unknown voice.  Moms have a sixth sense to hear their children and know when their kids are sick.  Dads have a sixth sense knowing something is in the house that does not belong.  Here I was, wide awake from a dead sleep, at 1:56 AM.  I was thinking how did this person get in the house?  Are the girls going to hear him?  Will he get startled and leave?  Maybe I should make a noise.  He must have seen all our empty electronic boxes on the street and he wants the loot.  Maybe I was just dreaming.  I took a deep breath and settled back down.  

I heard the voice again!  I prayed that this was not happening.  Lord I have two young girls and a lovely wife.  After I prayed, my mind started racing.  I thought, by the time I could load a gun or reach the toilet plunger (under distress your mind thinks of the strangest weapons) the intruder would probably hear me.  I was still in my bed under the covers with my eyes closed..."Kipp there is somebody in the house!" whispered my wife.  I whispered back, "Well since you are up, go see who it is."  Amazing how much pain can be inflected by the simple combo of a thumb and pointer finger. "Aren't you the man of the house?"  As I quietly exit the bed, I whispered back "You just had to go there."

I started down the hallway with no weapon, no idea of what to do, no plan.  I prayed again.  I thought, if I survive the first encounter and he does not shoot first, I would help him load his truck with whatever material item he wanted.  If he threatened to harm my family, I was going to do whatever it took to take him out.  As I got closer to my oldest daughters room I heard the voice again.  It was a voice I knew!  

I had heard that voice before.  I stopped cold trying to think where I knew this voice from.  Work, the local golf pro, the grocery store, church...nothing was ringing a bell.  I finally stepped closer to the door of my daughter's room.  "Good Morning. It's 8:00.  It's time for your oatmeal."  I said "ELMO!"  I knew it was somebody I knew.  The programmable talking Elmo doll had obviously had some issue with its internal clock or a low battery.  Surely it was not the fault of the parental programmer.  We had programmed it to wake up our daughter at 8:00 announcing it was time for her oatmeal.  I reached down and grabbed talking Elmo by his throat.  I walked back to my room to show my wife.  She was pointing the gun at just kidding. "Why are you holding Elmo?!"  As soon as she asked, Elmo spoke again.  "Is your oatmeal delicious?"  "Hey that's the voice we have been hearing."

My daughter thankfully has not asked for her Talking Elmo since that evening.  I would hate to have to explain that Talking Elmo is no longer with us.  As for the lesson learned, be careful not to get wrapped up in what we do at Christmas and forget why we celebrate Christmas.  You may get taught a lesson too.

Friday, December 17, 2010

rockbottom Business Meeting

I need to call a end of the year business meeting.

First of all Thank You all for visiting and sharing in on the fun.  I hope you have had as much reading the stories on rockbottom as I have had writing them.

I will keep this meeting brief.  

Newest features 
As you may notice I like to change things around on the site.  Sometimes colors, sometimes fonts, sometimes placements of gadgets.  The latest gadget is the new 'subscribe via email' button.  If you would like to be notified via email when the latest post is posted, load your email and you should be all set.  When the latest story is posted, and if I have read the gadget instructions correctly, you will be notified by email.  If you do not want to be bothered with email, then just continue to visit on a random basis.

Second order of business is to answer the most frequently asked question: "When are part II of AT and part II of Paintball coming out?"  Well the bottom line to that question is - when the book comes out.  Which would pose another immediate question.  "What book?"  Exactly.  What book.  All I can say is one of the items on my bucket list is to write a book.  I have a few long winded stories that my public relations officer, M.Y. Self, thinks would fit nicely under a hardback cover or in one of those Kindle/Nookie ereaders.  The long winded stories would be nice for a long plane ride, long road trip, or during the TV re-run season.  "kippsversion" aka "rockbottom" is allowing me to practice how to tell a story.  I am using what I learn to edit those long stories.  "When will the book be ready?"  Well slow down a minute.  Step one is to get them all written down, edited and formatted.  "How long..."  No more questions.

Closing remarks
As the first year on "kippsversion" aka "rockbottom" comes to a close and new year is about to begin, I want to again say Thank You for visiting, reading, laughing, criticizing, and following.  Meeting adjourned.

Merry Christmas!  

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Perception vs Big Picture

Not sure what triggered these thoughts.  But here are some thoughts on perception vs the bigger picture. (Random order)

Perception is passwords protect our valued information.
Big Picture is the geek down the street can hack into your computer.

Perception is the game of golf is easy.
Big Picture is only 125 golfers in America play on the PGA tour.

Perception is everybody cares about you.
Big Picture is your mom is the only ones that cares and maybe your dad.

Perception is people are good.
Big Picture is everybody lies.

Perception is God does not exist.
Big Picture is you will find out one day.
Perception is if its on the internet it must be true.
Big Picture is have you ever received a financial windfall after forwarding the email to 8 of your closest friends?

Perception is a 30% sale is saving you money.
Big Picture is if you do not spend it, you save even more.

Perception is reality shows are real.
Big Picture is they are all rigged with pre-planned outcomes.

Perception is that BP cleaned up the crude oil mess in the Gulf of Mexico.
Big Picture is if they only cleaned up a million gallons of the tens of millions gallons spilled, where is the rest of it?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Close call

There has a been a monumental shift in man law as I currently know them. 

There are more ladies where I work than men.  The building we now work in strategically located both the ladies and gentlemen restrooms on the same hallway.  Fairly standard for most everywhere in the USA.  The women's room is on the right side of the hallway and a few more steps to the left is the men's restroom.

On most every occasion I make my way to the men's room, there is always two or more ladies going to, coming from, or in the doorway of the restroom.  More times that not there is conversation of some sort between the ladies.  Even as I pass by the door to the ladies room, although not audible enough to understand, I can hear conversations coming from the ladies room.  

The men's room is and has always been just the opposite.  Rarely will you see men going to in pairs or groups to the restroom.  A rarer event is conversation coming from the men's restroom.  Normally entering the men's room is like entering a vault.  The noise of the air moving around is deafening.  Seriously the only sounds made are when the urinals and toilets are flushed, the water is run, and the hand towels removed.  Until...

This day things changed  The first view walking in the room is the three sinks, counter top, and long mirror.  Rounding the corner to the left the stalls come into view.   There are four stalls; two of them have doors closed.  Stall 1 and 3 are occupied.  Man Bathroom Law Number 1 is to always leave an empty stall or urinal open between you and anybody else or anybody that may enter.  Man Bathroom Law 2 is if you are going to fill a gap you either wait outside the urinal/stall zone or you leave and come back later.  As I turn again to the left to get my destination, there is a man leaving the urinal bank.  Suddenly I realize several things at once.  

First there are voices coming from stall 1 and 3.  Conversation about football.  I am being greeted by the dude leaving the urinal bank.  "What's up Kipp." Then as I get to my destination I hear from stall 3.  "Kipp? What do you think they are going to do about Auburn's Cam Newton?"  

I seriously thought, even though I am standing at a urinal, I had entered the ladies room.  Never in my years have I ever heard conversation much less been asked my opinion on any subject while another person was sitting on the pot.  This is an image I do not want in my brain....ever.  Because of Man Bathroom Law 3, no eye contact in the urinal/stall zone; I did not recognize who had called out my name.  "Kipp that is you, I can see you through the crack in the door.  What is your take on the Auburn investigation?"  I froze...(refer back to man law 3 again).

I felt a shift in man bathroom law taking place.  Almost as much as the NCAA has brought to college football.  Allowing parents to shop their children to the highest bidder.  Rules are changing.  Porcelain talk has made it to the men's room.  Really?  Is this happening?  When did it become suddenly acceptable to have conversation while sitting on the porcelain pot?  Then before I could stop it ... "I must be in mamby-pamby land, you jackwagons!" 

(if unfamiliar with this quote, go see the latest Gieco commercial with the psychologist used to be drill sargent.  All rights belong to Gieco ---

Silence returned to the men's room.  

I am typically open to change.  But much like the Drill Sargent psychologist, I ain't ready for no mamby pamby land especially in the men's bathroom.