Sunday, December 4, 2011

Freaky Fridays

Two weeks ago on a Friday afternoon around 4:00 I got a call from home "there's been an accident".  Just two weeks later nearly to the hour, while in the middle of a crisis at work, my phone buzzes again "Home" is displayed on the screen.  I thought, I will have to call back later.  As the crisis at work escalates, my phone buzzes again "Capt Kirk", my neighbor is calling.  I thought - uh oh something is going on again.  

I managed to excuse myself with "I am sorry but I think something is going on at home."  I stepped into the breakroom to check my voice mail.

Message 1
My wife Wonder Woman:  Kipp I need you call me when you get this message.

Message 2:
Capt. Kirk:  Kipp call me and let me know how Kipp Jr is doing when you get a chance.

Message 3:
Wonder Woman:  Kipp I am taking Kipp Jr to the orthopedic doctor at 3:30.  She has a knot on her arm and we are going to check it out.  If you try to call back we may not be home.

Did I once hear somebody say that being a dad is one of the most stressful jobs in the world?  Maybe it was just my outside voice.  

With the work crisis at its crescendo, I inform my supervisor that I need to leave if at all possible to meet Wonder Woman and Kipp Jr at the orthopedic doctor because of an apparent broken arm.  "Are you...(let me loosely translate)...'really' serious!? I mean yes that is fine.  What happened?"  

"I am not sure.  They called about the time all this crisis started and I have only had time to get a message that they are going to the ortho at 3:30."

"Sure, get out of here." 

On the way to the ortho office I make several calls on a low cell battery.  I called Dad to ask him to pray for Kipp Jr as she has an apparent broken arm.  I called Capt. Kirk to see what he knew had happened.  He said it appeared Kipp Jr had fallen out of the trampoline door (the safety net door) while jumping on their trampoline.  He was concerned about Jr and wanted me to let him know how she was doing after the ortho visit.  I told Capt. Kirk I appreciated his concern and would call him when we left the doctors office.

After working my way thru the office staff at the doctors office (think TSA airport security) because Kipp Jr was already back in the back, I walked in to Exam room 2 to a sad little girl and a nervous Wonder Woman.

Kipp Jr was sitting down supporting her right arm across her lap.  She was staring straight ahead with little emotion.  I sat down in the wheeled spinning chair normally reserved for the doctor.  I wheeled close to Kipp Jr and put my hand on her knee.  I asked her if she was in any pain?  She said, "A little."  I asked her if I could see her arm - where it hurt.  She gave me the sad puppy dog eyes and nodded slowly.  Wonder Woman tells me to be careful not to hurt her.  

I pulled up her t-shirt sleeve up to view the injury.  I could see no visible signs of redness or protrusions.  I then went rolling about on the wheeled doctors stool acting as if I was the doctor.  I pretended to hold a medical record chart.  I then pretended to put reading glasses on and pull them down on my nose.  

In my best southern drawl, not much of a stretch really, I looked at Kipp Jr. and said, "Lit-tall Miss Beed-ford, I have here the results of uur X-raay pick-toe-graphs.  And I jus want to let ewe know in my pro-fess-nal o-pin-yun..."  Wonder Woman is starting to giggle at this point.  "...well I tell ewe, it's mo of what my ol daddy would to saay. 'If it ain't a bleedin or got a bone a stickin out then u aren't a hurtin." 

These antics brought her to a giggle.  Her Papa is well known by his grandkids for saying that very thing when they run up to him crying about the smallest injury.  We shared a laugh for a minute before Wonder Woman told me I had better stop before the doctor walked in.  I took her advice.

I looked at Kipp Jr. and said if the doctor happens to talk like that when he or she walks in here...please do not laugh.  "What if I can't help it?" asked Jr.  "Well then let me do the talking and I will explain."

A few minutes had passed and Kipp Jr. was back to looking like she was not comfortable.  She was holding her arm on her lap and had a serious look on her face.  The doctor knocked on the door and entered.  He was wearing his long white coat and a set up of blue scrubs underneath.  He of course was holding a medical record chart.  I looked at Kipp Jr. and shook my head no.  She was not looking at me.  

He sat down in the wheeled stool and wheeled himself right over to Kipp Jr.  He was holding the chart very similar to the way I had been pretending to hold it.  I glanced over at Wonder Woman and she would not return my look but she shook her head ever so slightly to indicate - no I am going to look at you.  

The doctor cleared his throat, "I have to tell you, you have broken your arm."  Kipp Jr. looked at me and Wonder Woman with a look as if she was saying I told you so. "The break was pretty clean but we are going to have to put a cast on her arm."  Suddenly she lit up like a school girl at a Justin Beiber concert.  She was smiling from ear to ear. Wonder Woman wanted to know "What are you smiling about?" 

Kipp Jr picked blue for her cast.  The nurse putting on her cast wanted to know what happened.  Kipp Jr responded with her normal summary of events. "Trampoline."  The nurse smiled and said "Ah I love trampolines and skateboards.  I like to call them, job security."

As we left the doctors office I had to make some calls to family and friends.  I reminded each of them I needed to keep it brief due to my low battery.  I had called Dad and Paw-in-law before calling Capt. Kirk.  I thought for a minute before calling him.  The conversation went something like this:

Capt. Kirk: Hey man thanks for calling how is she?
Me: She is doing OK.  She broke her arm.
CK: Really!?
Me: Yeah it was a clean break.  She is doing OK.  She is really really proud of her cast.
CK: Man I hate that, tell her I am sorry.  If there is anything I can do, let me know.
Me: We are good man.  But I did want to let you know your story and Kipp Jr's story about what happened do not match.
CK: (His voice changed to a very serious tone) What do you mean?  What did she say?

Brief side note: Capt. Kirk is bigger than me.  He is a big dude.

Me: She said you were on the trampoline playing "crack the egg" and bounced her out of the trampoline through the door.  She said it was all your fault.
CK: .................(10 seconds).................(20 seconds)...................In a stunned quiet nearly whisper he said, She said what?
Me: The game 'Crack the egg'.  Where kids lay on the trampoline, ball up holding there knees, while somebody bounces on the trampoline trying to get them to let go of their know crack the egg.  She said she held on for your first cannon ball bounce and she thinks she would been able to hold on for a few more but when she went flying out the door...the second cannon ball you reigned down was too much.
CK:...................................................(20 seconds).
Me: Just saying, your story and hers do not match up.  (I could not hold it any longer, I started laughing)  KA-BOOM!
CK: .....Man you ain't right.  You ain't right.  
Me: You couldn't crack her egg without bouncing her off onto the ground?  That has to be against the rules.
CK: (snickers) Cannon ball bounce - you come up with that one yourself?  Funny Kipp.  Real funny. 
Me: We thought that version would be better than what really happened.  So when people ask us what happened...this will be our story.
CK: Man you know that thing couldn't even hold me.  Call me if you...if Kipp Jr needs anything.
Me: Will do.   
Battery finally died on my phone.

I am hoping the next few Fridays are not so adventurous but some people say bad things happens in threes.  The bad news wave at this point consists of a plumber and a physician.  Not sure what the third is going to be, but if it happens on a Friday, I will let you guys know.


At the time of this posting, Kipp Jr is healing nicely.  She is already out of her cast and in a sling.


Donna Perugini said...

Yay for Kipp Jr., the star of this show! Never heard of 'crack the egg', but I quit jumping on trampolines when it 'snapped the neck'.

Sure glad I'm not your neighbor. You really make people squirm when you tease them! Have any of those 'tease times' ever backfired?

Merry Christmas!

Kipp said...

...backfired? Once or twice. :)
There are a few folks that don't like it. Most people get me back so it keeps it going - makes life fun.