Sunday, November 20, 2011

Water spicket

Bare with me here for a minute while I set this up.  Home improvement projects seem to be popular right now.  OK by popular I mean me and EmptyNester have home improvement projects going on right now, the rest of you rockbottom dwellers may need to jump on this wagon before you get left out of all the fun :)  

Well my home improvement project has been two fold.  The first phase was replacing the windows in our sun room.  I will spare you the details, but suffice to say we paid somebody to replace them.  The second phase was painting the outside of our house.  It is mostly brick so the project was not as combersome as it could have been.  We decided for the second phase to keep it inhouse (do it yourself).

I blocked off a Saturday to commit a full day to painting the outside of the house.  We had to put a coat of primer on the fresh siding around the new windows and a coat of new paint on the front door and eves (after my wife had spent Friday morning stripping the paint from the front door).  My father-in-law joined in on the fun as well and contributed a coat of paint around the eves and flashing around the entire house.  When we wrapped up the painting at the end of the day we basically had a coat of paint or primer on everything except the front post and the garage.  

Because we did not finish the project in a day and a half as planned.  We extended the plan into the following week.  The new plan was for my wife to continue to paint what she could reach throughout the week and I would once again paint all day the following Saturday to wrap it all up.  Well mother nature had other plans.  It rained Monday - Wednesday with Thursday not such a good day for painting.  

My wife pulled the paint supplies back out on Friday as I left for work.  When I got home for lunch she had put a second coat on the front door.  Her plans for after lunch were to paint the window seals on the front porch we had forgotten all about.  So she asked me to get the A-frame ladder out for her.  As I returned inside I told her to be careful using the ladder.  She mumbled something about only having to get on the second step.  I returned to work.

My cellphone rings about 10 minutes before quitting time.  "Home" is displayed on my cell phone screen.  
Me: Hey what's up?
My wife: There has been an accident.
Me: What!  What happened?! 

The signal cracks up.  I think the company I work for has installed cell phone blockers in my building.  Surely it cannot be AT&T's wonderful service.  I got up and left my office to see if the reception would get any better. 

Me: Are you OK?
My wife: Yes I am fine.  There has been an accident.
Me: OK I heard that part, what is going on?
There are voices in the background
My wife: I broke the water spicket.

Dramatic pause.  At first I was thinking, as you probably were, that she had fallen off the ladder and hurt herself.  With the voices in the background I was thinking maybe the ambulance staff was helping her into the ambulance or the neighbors were helping her into their vehicle to transport her to the ER.  When she mentioned the water spicket, I thought the spicket is not on the front of the house it is on the side of the house with the driveway.  Why was she painting over there?  The only thing to paint over there are the eves.  She was not supposed to be painting the eves.  

Me: Wait...did you say water spicket?    
My wife: Yes I was leaving to get some more paint because I had ran out.  I was backing out of the driveway making sure I was being very careful because Will (2 year old that lives next door) and Dixie (Jack Russell terrier lives across the street) were out playing.  Anyway I heard a noise and the van started getting sprayed with water, like somebody was squirtting us with a fire hose.  I do not know how it happened but when I ran over the hose it pulled the spicket off the wall.  Mindy said Tanner's dad is on his way over and he is a plumber.  Can I have him fix it?
Me: Yes.
My wife: OK bye. 
She hung up.

So I, and now you, are left to imagine what is going on at my house because in her state of mind staying on the phone to provide me more information of the accident was apparently not a priority.

Pulling onto my street I see more people out and about than normal.  There is a truck parked in my driveway and a gentleman chiseling away at a brick on the side of my house.  My wife is standing in the driveway supervising the plumber.  My kids are next door playing with Will and Dixie.  I get out of my truck and start a conversation with my wife.

Me to my wife:  OK I am glad you are not hurt.
My wife:  What are you talking about?
Me: It is not a good idea to start a conversation with your spouse with 'There has been an accident.'  It tends to produce an adrenaline rush in the spouse hearing that statement.
My wife:  Sorry but there had been an accident.
Me:  But I thought you had fallen off the ladder and somehow hurt yourself and broken the spicket.
My wife: But I was not even painting near the spicket why would you think that?
Me: Sooo...what happened?
My wife:  (Read this faster as you go cause she got faster as she talked) Well I had run out of paint and knew we would need some for tomorrow.  I thought I would run to the paint store before they closed and pick up another gallon.  Instead of putting everything up, because the store is so close, I left everything out and told the kids to get in the van.  The hose was across the driveway.  As I was backing up, careful to watch out for all the kids and dogs out playing because you know how cautious I am, I heard a noise and suddenly the van is being sprayed with water.  I looked over and it appeared it was coming out of the wall of the house.  I pulled the van up some and noticed the spicket did not look right.  I got out of the van and tried to put the spicket back in the position it was supposed to be in, because it was bent sideways.  That seemed to just finish it off.  Water was going everywhere.  I ran to the street to try to turn of the water.  I have never seen what is under the lid.  But I got the lid off and saw the valve, but I could not turn it off.  I could not budge it.  I called over to Toby (neighbor across the street).  He must have just thought I was saying hello cause he just put his hand up.  I screamed back over him "I need your help!"  He seemed to look past me this time to see the water coming out of the house.  He came jogging over realizing what I was trying to do.  He was unable to shut off the valve.  He ran back to his house and brought a tool over and was able to shut off the water.  I told him what happened.  He said he could fix it.  I asked him if he could fix it before Kipp gets home?  But I must have interrupted him, because he said he could fix it if it was his house.  He would not want to do ours in case something went wrong.  So he went to get me a number of a plumber he knows.  I then walked over to check on the girls.  Mindy wanted to know what happened.  I told her.  She tells me Tanners dad is on his way over to pick him up for the weekend and matter of fact he is in the neighbor now, maybe he could do it, because he was a plumber.  Cool right? When he pulled up I asked him if he would do it.  He said he would do it for $100.  I told him he was hired.  This is when I called you and asked if we should hire a plumber.  Cause the way I saw it, having no water for more than a few hours, trying to find a plumber on a Friday afternoon, much less how much would it cost for weekend pay after hours, I thought asking Tanner's dad to do it seemed like a great option.  Now tell me, would you have wanted to hear all that on the phone or what I said when I called?
Me: First of all - good job.  Secondly - Why did you even call me? :)
My wife Wonder Woman: Because it made me feel better to have you say you would hire a plumber.


Donna Perugini said...

Yes and Amen! I would ask first before calling a plumber if my husband were a fix-it himself guy. He got over fixing it himself after cranking too hard on a bolt that hold down the toilet. That was a couple of hundred later for that decision. Me? I would use gum, but the force of the water would have blown it out.

I understand a husband not wanting to hear, 'there's been an accident'. Those are almost the exact words I used when the car rear-ended me. He freaked out and came over quickly to find me wandering the parking lot where both of us pulled over. I think I was in shock as it was hard to even read her driver's license and what I wanted to do was look at her insurance card. Sheesh!

Your wife is Wonder Woman and made all the right choices. And what a deal she got for $100!! Congratulations to you for saying the right things at the right time!

Dave (aka Buckskins Rule) said...

You just make this s**t up, right? LOL!

The audience would like to understand how the hose got caught in the van in such a fashion as to wreak such mayhem.

Kipp said...

Donna - "mans got to know his limitations" - Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry. I know mine.

Dave - :) I have been accused of such.
I have not yet found any creditable witnesses to explain how it really happened...but the van was wet and the hose was a little worse for wear.

EmptyNester said...

She did better than I would have, that's for sure! I would have called my husband and told him to get home right away and fix this problem. Of course, that's mostly because he refuses to hire anyone to do anything because he is Mr. Fix-It. Right.

Sounds as much fun as our project was! Thanks for the mention, BTW!