Radio Rivalry

This probably should go on my thought burst page...

Our local sports afternoon radio show is hosted by our local newspaper sports editor Randy and one of our local TV stations reporters Pat.  I have listened them fairly regular for the past two years or three years driving home from work.  They are fairly entertaining.  They seem to be enjoying what they do, heckle each other frequently, and every now and then they talk about sports.

College football season is taken very seriously in our parts.  Competitive spirits run deep in our neck of the woods.  The stories you hear about having to declare who you place your collegiate allegiance with when you are born; it's true.  I got stamped with the University of Alabama.  We live right in the middle of the South Eastern Conference.  Nationally recognized, the SEC is the most competitive college football division (via the last four BCS champions have been from the SEC - FL, LSU, FL, AL).  We are all waiting to see if those western kids from Oregon or Boise State can crash our BCS party this year.  

Anyway the topic of the day on the radio show was the current seemingly bad calls by the referees and the replay officials.  Specifically the last few Auburn games against Arkansas and LSU.  The consensus of the referee calls seemed to always come back "there is not enough conclusive evidence to over turn the ruling on the field".

After watching the games they were discussing I felt strongly my opinion needed to be heard by the listeners.  This is the moment I decide to make my first ever call into the show. 

Producer: "Hello blah blah blah?" (seriously I did not hear what they asked)

Me: I would like to make a comment.

Producer: "What is your name?"

Me: Kipp

Producer: "K-i-p?"

Me: No K-i-p-p

Producer: "OK hold please"

The phone goes quiet, no hold music, no tying me back into the show, only cold dark silence.  So I turned the radio back up just enough to hear what they are still talking about.  
"Blah, blah, blah, blah."  
There comments are nothing to what mine will be.  Mine is going to cause mad laughter and I might even make the next promo. 

Randy:"We have to go to commercial break, when we come back we will go to the phones.  Kipp is up first when we come back."

During the commercial I suddenly realize I am on hold, next in line to speak to thousands, OK maybe hundreds of people listening to the afternoon sports show.  A little nervous, yes.  Should I hang up, no way I am on hold, next in line.  I start thinking how I should articulate my comment.  A little late for that, I know.

Randy: "And were back.  Let's get to the phone lines.  Kipp has been holding, Kipp welcome to the show."

Me: Hey Randy, I was wondering how good of a editorial cartoonist you are?

Randy: "Well Kipp what do you mean?"

Me: I would like to see you draw a sports editorial cartoon of the referees at Jordan Hare Stadium (Auburn's stadium, where the last two games have been played against Arkansas and LSU) huddling on the field and announcing the last play is under review.  In the next frame have the referee with the headphones on his head calling the replay booth.  In the next frame have a room labeled "replay booth" completely empty with only a lit phone on the counter, no chair, no TV monitor, and a few crickets chirping.  The last frame back to the referees on the field saying 'after further review, due to inconclusive video evidence, the ruling on the field - stands. 

That cold dark phone silence returned.  I checked my phone to see if the call had dropped.  I turned the volume up on the radio to see if I inadvertently turned the radio back down.  Nothing.  Although I think I heard crickets chirping in my truck.  Several seconds go by.  I was about to hang up thinking the radio station had catastrophic power loss.

Randy: "Kipp what did you think about the ruling concerning the near safety in the LSU game?  Did you think the referees should have overturned that call?" 

Me: Yes I do.  Sure he took a hit to stop his forward progress on the 6, but he did not go down.  Matter of fact he regained his balance taking more controlled steps, all be it backwards, then the LSU defender tackled him in the end zone.  The replay showed all of that, but without having a replay official in the booth...what did we expect them rule?  Yes I think it was a safety.

Randy: "I could see it going either way."

My phone goes cold dark silent but I can still hear the radio.  "Let's go the next caller..."


The next day at work.  One of my female co-workers that is an Auburn fan says, "Was that you I heard on the radio yesterday afternoon?"

Me: Yeah, I thought my cartoon editorial was going to, at least, get a little laugh. But it tanked.  I got nothing.

Co-worker: "I have to admit I thought it was cute, but you do realize that Pat, the Alabama fan, was off yesterday.  Randy is the Auburn fan.  IF Randy thought it was funny, all that dead air was probably him muting the line so you would not any credit for a good comment."


I realized it was like being in a water fight.  I was using a water balloon and Randy was using the water hose.