Secret to marriage found?

One of those ah-ha moments when you find out you are not the only one.

At a recent family gathering my cousin Dane-O, my brother Lord Knobhead and I were standing around visiting.  Suddenly Dane-O is digging in his wallet for a business card to give his email to a friend of the family.  I stick my hand out toward him.  "Hey give me some money while you got that out."  

He tells me, since I have been married this wallet only holds credit cards, business cards, licenses, and receipts.  It does NOT know what cash is.
I was like "seriously".  Not in the you are such a sissy way of 'seriously', but a 'seriously' I thought I was the only married man that did not ever see cash in my wallet 'seriously'.

Then Lord Knobhead pipes up, I freaked out one time when I opened my wallet and saw two twenties in my wallet.  I called my wife to find out why I had cash.   She told me she thought I might need some because I was taking the kids to a church youth function.  He got off the phone and thought "Well Sha-zam! I ain't spending this on the kids, I am saving this cash for me!" He then pulled out his wallet and opened it; there was no cash in it.  Yeah that was about 5 years ago.  Hasn't been any cash in there since.

I puffed up my chest and pulled out my wallet real slow like so they would be watching.  Guys prepared to be impressed.  I opened my wallet and showed them $11.  Wow when did your wife give you that, asked Dane-O.  Boys I got this from my daughter.  I bought her something the other day with a credit card and she paid me back in cash.  My kids have more money than I do.  I told her to keep her money, but she apparently put it in my wallet one night.  Although this looks like its my cash, I am really just holding it until she needs it back.  I appreciate your temporary respect for me when ya'll saw that cash, but I have to come clean and let you know even though it is in my wallet it is still isn't my cash.

Dane-O started laughing, not the laughing at me laugh but the hey its my turn to tell a story laugh.  He told us about the time he opened his wallet and spotted two twenties.  I did the same thing you did Lord Knobhead, I called my wife when I spotted the cash.  I was freaked out I had cash.  I knew I had not put it there.  Honey why do I have cash in my wallet?  Well...what...wait, the last time I put cash in your wallet was for the boy scout trip you took about six months ago.  You still have that?!  I had $40 in my wallet for over six months before I knew it was in there.  I was so excited about having cash, I ended up spending it all that day. :-)  

I have told this story at least a half a dozen times recently.  I have been astonished to find out how many a married man pulls out his wallet with a frown on his face to show me an empty wallet.  One even told of having to secretly roll change to have some fun money for coffee or a chicken finger lunch.  Even heard a comedian this week talking about this subject.  He had a friend that his wife gave him $60 weekly allowance, the ultimate punchline to his weekly fortune was - she was cheating on him.  The allowance was a distraction.

Surely there is a lesson here to be told or understood; maybe we have uncovered the secret to a successful marriage...nah, that would be just ridiculous.   

Quotes by Squirt

Eating breakfast on New Years Day

Squirt: Who is the oldest person to ever live?

Kipp: I think it was Methuselah from the Bible.

Kipp Jr.: He was like 947 years old.

Squirt (pondering before she spoke): I 'm glad there are no pictures in the Bible.  

Another episode of Wonder Woman

Episode 1:  Freaky Friday
Episode 2:  Over-stove-microwave


Episode 3:

As I prepared to leave for work early one morning, the power to the house went off about 6:50.  Wonder Woman (who home schools our children) was still getting her beauty sleep.  I did not know if she had somewhere to be that morning but I did not want to leave without asking.  I gently nudged her and said "Hey sweetness, the power is off.  Do you need to get up early for any appointments this morning?"  She responded no they were staying home today. 

Later that day I returned home for lunch.  Wonder Woman could not wait for me to get in the house to tell me something.  As I entered the house she was already laughing.  What have you done? I asked.

This is the story she told.  

Not long after you left I started hearing noises in the living room.  I thought a squirrel had gotten in our Christmas tree like on Christmas Vacation.  Then Squirt came in our room wanting to know what the noise was too.  We then thought it might be you, maybe you had forgotten your wallet again.  But we heard more noise and it was more constant.  Squirt said that sounds like Will, our three year old neighbor, knocking on the door.  I suddenly realized she was right.  

I got out of bed, still in my pajamas, not understanding why a three year old would be knocking on our door this early in the morning.  As I walked through the living room, I grabbed the blanket off the couch and wrapped around me.  The knocking on the door continued.  I got to the door and opened it.  Will and his grandmother Meme were standing there.  

Meme started to ask if our power was off when she stopped and asked if she had woke me up.  I then realized I had on no makeup, I'm still in my pajamas, I'm wrapped in a blanket, my hair is lopsided, but the words out of my mouth...'NO - no you did not wake me up'.

Meme apologized for waking me up.  I said again, 'No I was up'.  Meme asked about the power again.  I told her yes our power was out.  Kipp had woke me up early this morning before he left for work to let me know the power was out.  Meme said well when got here at 8:15 the power was off and we know Kirk (Will's Dad) has had some issues with his electricity in this house.  There must be a short somewhere.  So we just wanted to make sure it was the whole neighborhood.  Again, I am so sorry for waking you up.  

Kipp - I was not asleep I was awake...
Wonder Woman paused for a moment so I jumped in.

Kipp: that IS funny you lied to Meme about three times.
Wonder Woman: I was NOT asleep!  I was SNOOZING!  Can I finish my story?!
Kipp: Oh no, there is more?

Wonder Woman goes on...
So of course I go ahead and get my shower and get dressed.  We get school started about 8:45, right after the power came back on, and then about 10:30 I let the girls out to play before lunch.  When Gumpy (Will's grandfather) waves to me from Kirk's driveway and asked me to come over.  He is sitting in a chair with his foot* propped up.  He has this little smile on his face and tells me he is in big trouble.  I asked what for.  

He said he was the one that suggested Meme and Will check with me about the power being out and she is very upset with him for sending her over and waking you up.  I told him, 'I was not asleep!'  Ignoring me, he smiled and said she scolded him good because she knew better than to make a visit so early in the morning.  Gumpy it's OK, she did not wake me up, I was not asleep!  He just laughed at me.

Kipp: ~Laughing~ you should be ashamed of yourself for lying so many times to grandparents.  
Wonder Woman: I WAS SNOOZING!

* Gumpy had dropped a cinder block on his foot the night before.  According to Wonder Woman it was swollen and nasty looking, very painful to look at.  But the morning report from Meme was enough to take Gumpy's mind off of his apparent pain.

Dont text and drive.

The texting and driving campaign has gained some steam over the last year or so.  I was discussing the issue with some friends and remembered the documentary from AT&T I had on the 'Thought Burst' page of my blog.  When I clicked the link it did not go to the video anymore.  I have updated the link to go to the correct video.

For those that have not seen it here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DebhWD6ljZs&feature=player_embedded

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