Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Dear Neighbors

My name is Kipp.  I am your fellow neighbor.  I have been a victim.
Before you get too alarmed, let me explain the atrocity.

As dry as it has been this summer I have not mown my lawn but twice.  During each of these two lawn care maintenance activities I have found gross evidence of over a half dozen canine poo pile deposits.  Apparently we have a rogue canine owner who refuses to pick up the poo pile after the business has been dropped off in the yard.  OK maybe this is alarming you.  

I want to make it known I do not object if the sample is temporarily stored in my yard until the plastic bag collection device, that you feel confident protects you against the mess but not the warmth, as you scoop up said deposit.  But I strongly object to those that are letting their animals freely roam the neighborhood to deposit their poo pile anywhere they deem appropriate after three to seven nose to the ground circles all the while, you wait for your canine to return home a little lighter on the paw.  

I fear these two are working together.  The non conforming canine owner and the canine poo pile bandit.  I want it known the owner of this canine poo pile bandit is not walking the dog according to city ordinance.  If you see a rogue canine after dark and before dawn without an owner please take a photo of the canine making the deposit.  Beware the photo may be graphic but please understand your assistance may help us crack the case.  Please take caution as to not approach the deposit after it has been left.  These deposits can be very slippery.  We will rely on the image taken for verification.

Let me issue a personal warning.  These poo piles can be hidden just beneath the surface of the lawn.  Once run over with a open discharging 6.0 hp Briggs and Straton self-propelled lawn mower can cause many issues.  Some are, but not limited too: ricocheting back on the pusher of said mower when mower discharge is too close to a tree or porch causing some serious poo rage for the push mower operator; splatter onto next door neighbors parked vehicle passenger side door causing some sophomoric giggles yet quite a mess for said neighbor; or worst yet, not seeing the poo pile deposit but knowing exactly what has happened as soon as your flip flop suddenly slides across the lawn as if he was suddenly ice skating.
What action will we take?  We wish to approach the owner politely and ask they follow the city ordinance.  However, if they refuse to walk the dog according to code, we have a safe and environmentally friendly return deposit bag that can be left on their door step or front porch to remind them of their responsibility.

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.

Yours truly,

Neighborhood Pooper Trooper (self appointed)


Donna Perugini said...

I'm reminded of our next door neighbor's 2 standard poodles that used our lawn as an outhouse.

Attempt 1 to deal with it:
I'd asked for a fence so our two year old could go in the yard and play without finding the piless. Husband wasn't interested in a fence.

Attempt 2 to deal with it: I thought if I piled all the poo on the property line, they'd notice and pick it up. While waiting for them to take the hint, leaves blew over all of it and it was forgotten until I heard my husband who was cutting the grass exclaim (in a poo descriptive word) that he found while walking behind the push lawn mower, cutting the grass in flip flops and shorts.

No more attempts! We had a backyard fence in one week!

EmptyNester said...

Wow Kipp. I didn't realize you lived in our neighborhood. LOL

Kipp said...

Donna - not so secret is not our (husbands) problem until it is personal.

EmptyNester - ROTFL!

Clipped Wings said...

I feel your anquish...our mail box collects clumps of poo all around the base of the post.