over-the-stove microwave

Wonder Woman and I were eating breakfast Saturday morning.  Kipp Jr and Squirt were spending time with their grandparents.  Wonder Woman brought up again how she wanted the over the stove micro-wave to come down so a hood could be put up in its place.  Taking it down ourselves will save us some money.  With no kids in the house and nothing planned until after lunch, she saw potential for some work to get done.  I on the other hand found potential for some down time, check some blogs, take some pictures, relax.  

Several seconds later I was holding a screwdriver in my hand being provided instructions from the internet on how to dismount an over-the-stove microwave.  Wonder woman was explaining all we have to do is unplug it, loosen just four (4) screws then you just tilt and lift.  

Several loosened screws, several minutes, and several words which shall not be repeated here, the over-the-stove microwave was still above the stove.  How can this thing still be on the wall?  The microwave had been striped like an abandoned vehicle.  There were parts all over the kitchen.  We even moved the stove out to provide more leverage for me to lift up on the microwave.  At the peak of my frustration I asked Wonder woman for a piece of plywood to put across the gaping hole between the cabinets.  This was for a few reasons.  First to catch the microwave when I ripped from the wall in case it fell I did not want it to land on my toes.  Second in case it came down/out crooked it would not crack the granite counter tops and really set me off.  Lastly to catch any loose parts that may fall off when it finally came off the wall.


I was getting ready to grunt and growl like a cave man when I see a screw that had somehow missed the screwdriver barrage.  I asked Wonder woman why she had not mentioned this screw.  She calmly replies, I thought you were in charge of removing the screws.  You know I need supervision, I said.  Then I made this statement, If this thing comes out after I remove this screw I am going to break something.  Screw number 123 comes out and I give the tilt and lift on the microwave...voila...I am holding one over the stove microwave.  I asked Wonder woman to open the back door please.  I took the beast of an microwave out in the yard and pitched it toward the trash can.  Before I returned into the house I gave it a swift kick to the groin (no microwaves do not have a groin but that is where I imagined kicking it OK).  

According to the internet, "The skills needed to remove an over the counter microwave were minimal, nearly childlike.  Remove 4 screws, tilt forward then lift.  The microwave should come off the wall with ease.  Removal time = 10 minutes."     

124 screws, 80 minutes, 1 stove removal, 47 pulls, 49 tugs, 150 grunts, and 1 pull-and-lift later by a guy looking to relax, the microwave was out by the trash.  The moral to this story...just because it is on the internet, does NOT mean it is true.